The Comfort of A friend
by NRATQH
Summary: Post GITF, I know another one, but I dont think that the Doctor is getting the benefit of the doubt here and personally, I think rose would've tried to comfort him about his loss instead of concentrating on her own. We human females do tend to think of things other than our own feelings now and than. I tried like crazy not to make it cliche. tell me where i got it wrong )


Hello there... well I don't know about you guys but I was a bit disappointed by the ending of GITF. the episode was lovely but i think it concentrated too much on Rose loving the doctor and not enough as Rose as a friend that the Doctor could lean on and seek comfort because I've always thought that was one of the things that made Rose a teensy bit more special than the rest. Besides people keep making fics that kind of put the Doctor on the pedestal as the main perpetrator. Cause in the end I think the episode kind of reflected on the situation of each character in the episode, even mickey and there wasn't really just one bad guy. just a whole bucketload of misunderstanding. I think despite what the Doctor did, he deserved some comfort from his best friend after 900 years of it dont you think? give the poor chap a break. I love Rose and I've always thought she knew more than her fair share of taking care of people who were older than her that she wouldn't shy away from this. after all what are friends for?

The Doctor hears, the gentle footfalls make their way into the console room just as the letter disappears into his pocket and he turns to face the console. He already knows who it is, but desperately wishes she wouldn't. He takes a deep breath and tries to still the flow of emotions that threaten to flood his very being.

He hasn't felt like this in a long time, the volatile fury, the overwhelming guilt and above all the numbing pain that seems to be the only thing that's allowing him to still stand on his own two feet under the crushing weight of the other two. It's easier to choose the pain because he knows he deserves it. Guilt makes him face and confront reality and frankly he'd rather just stay in denial and take all the blame anyway and anger just makes him want to explode. To grieve, to cause destruction that would put a dying star to shame. so instead he lets the pain numb him as he pushes the other two back in to his head among many other things that he has kept unresolved for the past nine hundred years. Maybe that's why he never learns from his mistakes because he refuses to acknowledge them in the first place.

As her footsteps draw nearer he tries to concentrate on the toggles and buttons in front of him but he can't stay still without zoning out so he starts shuffling around the console pushing levers and tweaking nobs. He doesn't realize what he REALLY was doing was making enough noise to drown out whatever Rose might have come to say or even acknowledging her presence for that matter. He glances at her from the corner of his eye and finds to his surprise she hasn't made a move at all from the entrance to the console room. Instead she gives of an almost awkward echo of silence as her eyes pass from the walls to the floor and back again, hands deep in her pockets shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Just for a moment her moving eyes fall on him and she gives a small reassuring smile, but somehow it only makes him feel worse and he quickly turns away to give the console one last whack with the hammer though the wheezing groan he gets in reply makes him realize he might have done so with a bit more force than necessary.

"So where to next eh?" he prompts without so much as a hello first knowing the old 'didnt see you there' definitely wasnt going to work.

"the second jungle of the nirvana planet? the helial constellation of the Glucorticon Star? I'm thinking of neighboring galaxies here. bout time the Tardis got a chance to spread her legs don't you think? of course she doesn't HAVE legs but then again but you humans like to use it for all sorts of legless beings inanimate or not. Besides I'm getting tired of 80th century french. I mean sure they throw the best parties but you wouldn't believe their disregard for the banana's! it's no wonder their society fell into doom and despair with such lacking in potassium..."

And he Rambles on and on till he doesn't even know what he's saying anymore though he doubts there's a difference. But if he hadn't looked up just at the right time he might have missed the movements of Rose's lips entirely.

"Sorry what was that?" he asks more out of habit than curiosity but the intensity of her gaze makes him turn his attention back to entering, erasing and reentering coordinates that don't even exist into the Tardis screen.

"I.. I said, don't do that..." her voice is louder this time, more than a whisper but so low it almost sounds like a wheeze as if it literally hurt her to say it.

"Do What?" He raises his eyebrows in what he hopes is an innocent gesture

Still only out of the corner of her eyes he see's her open her mouth to reply but a terrible tremble sets into her upper lip and she quickly closes it before letting her eyes drop to the floor.

"Do that. Sayin' you're alright when you're not. Pretendin' not to hurt when you do. Dont..."

She hesitates again but only for a brief moment.

"Don't hide from me. you don't have to. not from me yeah?"

He's desperate now as he pulls himself to his full height and forces his eyes to meet her, a ready smile threatening to pull his part. His next words feel rehearsed but he knows it what she needs to hear so he says them anyway.

"you're right Rose. I don't have to hide anything. Not from you. So don't you worry, I'm always alright. Especially when i've got you around eh"

And for good measure he throws her a wink before tearing his eyes away.

"It wasn't your fault"

It's definitely just a whisper this time but he hears them loud and clear as if she'd verbally thrown them at him and the words send a chill down his spine and for a moment the pain isn't enough to numb him and his anger come's out to play.

"How would you know?"

He immediately regrets his swords and that was practically the key to setting his guilt loose as well. His words were barely a whisper but he senses the involuntary flinch of her shoulders at his vicious snarl and he hates it that he was too preoccupied with his own emotion at that moment to even care. Anger has taken over the reins again and he feels his mouth move before he even knows what he's about to say. His eyes turned to face her own hazel depths just so he could see his own anger reflected back at him.

"She waited for me. Waited.. for years and i had to just waste precious seconds leaving her behind like that. I promised her the stars, and all she got... nothing... she got nothing. I couldnt even show up properly before she died. she died waiting for me, decades just waiting for me to come back but i never would"

His fury softens ever so slightly at the pang of realization of what his next words were going to be. What its has always balled down to in the end.

He gulps and finishes his little speech before he gets to much of a coward to do it. Rose deserves that much at least.

"I let her down, I always let them down"

He says the word slowly because he wants her to hear them loud and clear. For her to hear the ultimate truth so she wouldn't get hurt too. so she would stop relying so much on him because one day he'll let her down just as he has to everyone else.

He wants her to know that, to comprehend that one day he wont be able to save her , that he'll let her down. But when that day comes he'll lose her or she'll leave and he's not going to stop her. But he wants her to understand that he will break her, shatter her fragile existence and she'd better run. Just get as far away from him as possible because as long as he's around she'll never be safe and he wants her to be scared of that.

It takes her a moment before she replies but it comes out so firm and heartbroken that he almost grasps to a small glimmer of hope that maybe there was still a chance for him. Hope to redeem himself.

"I'm sorry"

He waits, wondering, hoping against all hope that there's more but silence ensues and he thinks he's won. there isn't and never will be an argument against his justified self loathing and he can't help but feel the hole in his chest threatening to open new wounds. but he can't let her see that, because she of all people could see right through him, always could. and he hates what he knows she must see now, a broken man, damaged goods, self-proclaimed authority he doesn't even deserve after all he's done so he brushes past her to the exit. If he really was going to break down it wasn't going to be here, he didn't want to be comforted, he didn't even deserve to feel sorry for himself.

"I waited for you too"

He stops in his tracks, too stunned to move and its exactly what she need's to keep going.

"I mean that's the thing Doctor, Sarah Jane, Reinette, me and everyone else who's ever waited. we'll wait for you, we always will. Because you're worth it Doctor, every second, every moment waiting..."

Her voice breaks and he turns around in alarm and rushes toward her to make sure she isn't crying, he can't bear that. of all things, in any situation he just cant bear to hear her cry. it was almost a reflex, he couldn't stop himself if he wanted too.

But there are no tears, instead she's staring up at him, eyes full of confidence that wasn't there before mixed in with the tears that threaten to spill.

".. waiting, hoping for you to come back. It's better that way Doctor. So much better than realizing that you might never come back at all. That you're really gone. We wait Doctor, not because we're desperate but because we want to. It's... it's like holding on to hope yeah? I mean, it might be a lost cause but it keeps us strong, keeps us going. keeps us fighting no matter what. because you know something?"

She gives a small chuckle.

"She might have waited for you Doctor but she sure didn't waste her time doing it. She did so much, not much time on her but she used up every bit of and I can't help thinking, it was all for you or because of you. She was an amazing person and you made her incredible. you gave her a chance to be incredible and she was. I met her too you know, amazing she was. But than again she was amazing even before so can't give you all the credit"

Her smile is wider now but there's also something sad in her eyes as she brings up her hands to clasp her face gently between them.

"She knew you would've come if you could. I can't take away the pain from losing her but..."

She takes a deep breath as if her next words are costing her more than he knows.

"She deserves it Doctor, a few tears, that much at least. She loved you, and you loved her. Don't go hiding her away in some corner of your head like she was a tragedy. Remember the beautiful person she was Doctor, don't forget her. no one deserves that"

She brings herself closer and says her next few words with such deliberate insistence that he cant help feeling that she was afraid he wasn't listening.

"You can't save everyone Doctor, you try your best but it's not your fault. none of it. so don't you dare, don't you dare think its your fault cause it's not. Not in a million years. Scratch that, not even till the end of the millennium"

her bottom lip begins to quiver just as he realizes his own tears wetting his cheeks and seeping through his and almost in unison, their arms envelope around each other in a much-needed embrace and for what seems like hours they both just stand there, taking comfort and sharing strength with his head buried in her shoulder. He doesn't sob but he lets the hidden tears flow freely, lets her presence sooth his hearts, lets her words patch up the holes in his chest new and old like she always could and always has.

He's never really had that, a shoulder to cry on. people always expected him to be the strong one and he's always stood up for the task. because he cant bear letting people down so instead he barrels ahead, plan or no. So he takes advantage of that moment. that weight to lean on. so much so that Rose knees buckle beneath it but he doesn't even notice as his arms tighten around her. Her words work their magic and he feels the pain slowly ebbing away. His guilt has begun to fade leaving a dull aching, anger seems almost non-existent as he breathes in the warmth and hope that is his Rose. For the strength to keep on fighting, for the eyes to keep on seeing the beauty he tends to blind himself from and most of all the courage to keep on holding on for a better day.

Ending is a bit hanging. thats cause theres a sequel to this where Mickey has a talk with Rose about how SHE feels about it. and even maybe after that one where the Doctor and Mickey have a little talk.

if you're not satisfied but want to use anything like words or quotes or storyline than feel free to take them as long as you PM me a link so i can read your fic on it =).

R&R


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